(originally written in blue glitter gel, copied down exactly as is)

March 20, 2003

“The Iraq war started last night it seems very aggresive.  We had to fight because Saddam Husain (The president of Iraq) and his troops.  At least we have more technology and troops than him.  Yesterday they shot nuclear missles at us so everyone is wearing gas masks in the East. At least we live here in Oregon.  There are protests anga against war going on.  We are fighting Saddam Hussain because he is trying to copy us and kill his peapol.  George W. Bush wants peace around the world. bye.”

This was the day after my 9th birthday party, 9/11 hadn’t happened too long ago, Bush was the best. And then on December 14, 2003, they captured Saddam Hussein while we were on vacation in Cabo and oh my holy cow I think my diary almost had a heart attack.

One time, I even signed off “Viva Bush”

“Viva Bush” you guys!!

Occasionally there would be meeting notes, written in third grade cursive.  Those are nice to read.

“Acts 1:21-22.  One thing before we keep on going before start going.  Here are a few things that will help us keep on going and start going.  If we come to God, He will help us.  Since He is perfect.  Something that we have to take care of we have to maintain and that is the same thing with our spirit we have to maintain it.  We want to take the time to maintain our spirit.  Spiritually we need to be filled up with fuel just like cars.  Jesus wans us to feel comforted.”

It’s not all sweetness though. I was very arrogant as a little girl. Example:

“Tiny boy brain depends on smart girl brain for quiz answers.”

And he wept glorious tears of sadness because he wasn’t as smart as me. I’ll bet I was totally in denial about crushing on that boy.

I don’t like to use the word “hate” a whole lot, but I hate sarcasm.  I’ve hated that bitter humor for a while, for various reasons.  Sarcasm is inherently insincere.  Sarcasm is a cheap, easy laugh, often at the expense of someone else.  Sarcasm is made to undermine one person in order to uphold another.  Even the lightest touch of sarcasm is rooted in cruelty.  I hate it, hate it, hate it!

Have you ever been the recipient of sarcasm?  Of a comment tinged with insincerity?  And then everyone else laughs along? It doesn’t feel too good, unless you’re extremely good at letting things roll off your back.  I’m ashamed to say it, but I’m terrible at that, so sarcasm is a really good way to make me feel insecure.  After having been the recipient of these kinds of jokes I can’t imagine why anyone would treat another person in such a way.

So to combat sarcasm, I try hard to not use any myself.  I’ll be the first to admit that it’s SUPER hard to not use because it is the lowest form of humor.  But I try really hard! Sometimes if someone is being especially sarcastic, I’ll try to be extra happy.  Happy with a special dose of sweetness and sparkly! I’ll also try to not go along with the sarcasm in any way.  I’ll try not to laugh at it.

Here are the problems though folks!

First of all, happiness is like ambrosia to sarcasm, so being happy is a little like feeding the beast.  I don’t know why happiness seems to translate to air-headedness, weakness, or stupidity, but it always seems that the more happy you try to act, the more of a target you become.  (But don’t use that as an excuse to be depressed. happy people are way cool. Always.)

Second of all, not laughing.  Here’s my problem.  Who likes killjoys who get offended all the time? People like killjoys even less than they do sarcasm! So, if the sarcasm is directed at me, I will laugh along heartily and “take it in stride”. I’m a cool girl! I can make fun of myself, especially since I must have just said some really hopelessly brain-dead, saccharine thing in order to deserve mockery!  I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way.  I believe I’ve been a witness to this same thing with many of my peers, who laugh along when others laugh at them.  In reality,  I think they are tired of being the butt of every joke.

No one really likes to feel as if they’ve said something hopelessly stupid.  Certainly not me! Usually I’ll feel really embarrassed inside for a long time after, especially if the sarcasm came from someone I wanted to impress.  I understand that most sarcasm is probably unintentional, and perhaps I am too thin-skinned.  But it is sarcasm nonetheless, and I am going to try my darn-tootingest to not laugh, not get offended, and be secure in what I say.

By the way, I’m going to be a little sexist here and say that men are ten times worse at using sarcasm than women are.  Although I’ve met quite a few sarcastic women, I’ve seen the most (granted, probably unintentionally) cruel mockery come from the mouths of males. Old, young, married, single.  Either sarcasm is irresistible to the stronger sex, or I really am that silly and stupid!

And you really, REALLY don’t know agony until you get verbally put down by a guy you like. *shudder*

Did you know NC State’s original colors were pink and blue?

PINK and blue?

This just makes my jovial dislike of UNC even greater now! Any good thing about NCSU automatically counts as a point AGAINST UNC.  It is, quite literally, the University of Oregon of North Carolina.

Look at this you guys. It’s becoming more and more legit with each passing day.

The Stats department at NCSU is the oldest in the nation. it was started in 1941, which is when World War II happened, which is just about as awesome as it gets.

Also, I found this on Pinterest, and am going to be making it ASAP, as any good stats major should.  The person who made it used ‘R‘ to make the pattern. Words can’t even describe how LEGIT THIS IS.

Go buy one on Etsy : NausicaaDistribution

Also here is Kiwi, because she is cute and very soft and happened to be in the vicinity. Hugs for Kiwi.

whooschzeapwettykittyhuh?

those are Nine Inch Nails lyrics, in case you didn't kno

Quick and dirty drawing, just in time for Valentine’s Day!  Promise I’ll step up the quality for the next few.

What a blast seriously, I can’t wait to do it again next year!

If you are unaware, the Krispy Kreme Run is THIS and it is so, so legit.

So it started out kind of rough because we sprinted and jumped a half-mile’s worth all over the NCSU campus in a frenzy trying to find the packet-pick-up tent 5 minutes before the race began.  I was freaking out and was so worked up that I thought I was gonna cry, but cry I did not and we found it in the nick of time and the sprint turned out to be a really good warm up!

Upside down number cause of the aforementioned stressful frenzy

The morning was so gorgeous! There was a nice chill in the air, perfect for running, TONS of people around (7700!) and a lot of cool costumes to keep us alert:

Christian ran ahead, so Mom and I decided to walk the whole way.  One MAJOR BIG DEAL half-marathon a year gives us a lot of slack I think!

Anyway, I learned something today.  I learned that the best part about being the slowest one in a loop race is that as you are getting TO the destination, all the buffest people are going BACK, and that’s just something to be thankful for.  There were plenty of buff men with handsome faces about, some of them be-shirted, others not.  I took full opportunity to encourage these super brave men in their journey, with lots of thumbs up and yelling and yes, even some winking thrown in.  Mom might have been a little embarrassed, but what can I say?

I’m an opportunity taker.

Well we got to the Krispy Kreme store eventually and a beautiful person gave Mom and me a box of donuts each!

I WAS SO PSYCHED YOU GUYS YOU SEE??!!?

There were crazy awesome people EVERYWHERE (like everywhere, everywhere) with 3 crushed donuts  in each palm, eating like there was no tomorrow!  These people were awe-inspiring, but the moments of awe were ruined by loud grunts and groans and burps. Pretty grody.

donut corpses... respect

Mom had no donuts and I ate one because we are both delicate females who are also super wimpy.  We carried our boxes the rest of the way through downtown Raleigh.  That was nice.  The finish line was guh-loriously disgusting and kind of slick with vomit, but it was so worth it to finish. SO FUN! All of it!

VICTORY!

Now, the Krispy Kreme Challenge was super cray in a good way, but I did notice one thing about it that could use improvement.

In Oregon when we ran the half, people were cheering each other on, yelling into each other’s ears, pounding each other on the back!  You let out a whoop, you got one in return, and vice versa! Everyone was excited to be running and they were all helping to build on each others’ (other’s?) enthusiasm.  It was just the way to participate in a great race!

That was what I was expecting for this race.  Actually I was expecting even more of that because it is a FIVE MILE COLLEGE FUN RUN WITH DONUTS.

So I yelled at like everyone, especially the cute guys, and like clapped and all that because things were SO EXCITING and you know what I got?

Like NOTHING is what I got!  If it is possible to have awkward silences during a race, then the awkward silences I got during this race were awkward silences beyond compare.  I don’t know if people think it’s just not cool to yell and be excited about something or what.  Maybe they were all snobby Cary-ites.  Anyway all I know is that people were generally being really boring and not at all supportive of enthusiasm.

It was pretty much the subdued march of the bland and uninteresting.

‘Cept for these guys.  I fell in MAD love with them.  They totally roared back and pretended to chop people’s heads off with their cardboard swords. So awesome. :

Buncha Spartan babes

SO overall it was an amazing race!  Next year Christian and I have decided to dress up in a big way and  form a team!  Who knows, maybe we’ll even eat an acceptable amount of donuts.  We’ll be legitimate NCSU students by then, so I’m assuming that eating a non-wimpy amount of donuts is obligatory.

1. Person is humble to begin with.
2. Everyone loves humble people and either appreciates them a lot and/or wants to build them up, so humble person gets compliments by the truckload
3. Person is naturally humble already, so compliments glide off him like softened butter on toast. But, they stay there! Like butter STAYS on the toast, so compliments are absorbed by the complimentee. Yet they ALSO glide away and discreetly become one with the toast, not like garish jam, or cold butter that falls off of the toast.
4. Humbleness retained, the cycle begins all over again.

I have striven to be this sort of person. I’ve observed the behavior of those who are already like this, and those who are the opposite of this. I’ve read numerous books on social graces (“How to Win Friends and Influence People” people!) These years of study have not been unfruitful.  Indeed, even though I’m super horrible at keeping them, the following three rules about compliments have embedded themselves in my mind.  I can tell you now that whenever all three rules are kept, compliment fun-times are WAY maximized:

1. Always say thank you when you’re given a genuine compliment. NEVER deflect it.
2. Try to somehow turn the compliment around so it compliments the other person. I read this in a book. It is super hard to do because you are so focused on how awesome you are and the warm fuzzy feeling a genuine compliment gives you, that it’s difficult to think about someone else’s positive attributes. Unless you are one of those rare naturally humble people who do that all the time. However, I did read that the easiest way to do this is to compliment the complimenter for being so nice and for taking the time to compliment you. You can always be thankful for that!
3. This is really vague, but whatever you do, make sure to not turn one compliment into a quest for more compliments, or any sort of showcase of yourself. This sounds like it’s easy to avoid, but if you’re the average self-centered person it’s really not.

The wrong kind of people are the jam and cold butter on toast kind of people. Jam and Cold Butter people break ALL OF THE RULES. Jam is more easily forgiven however, because (besides being literally quite tasty on toast), Jam people are often just not aware that what they are doing is annoying.

Anyway Jam people don’t absorb a compliment. They let the compliment sit in a bright look-at-me lump on the surface of the toast by feigning humility through deflection of the compliment (“Oh stop it, I’m really not THAT special. YOU’RE more special than I am). But the thing is, they really do think that they’re special. It’s an easy trap to fall into, I’ve done it many times before. It’s really a misguided attempt at keeping Rule #2. It twists itself around though, because instead of keeping Rule #2, it breaks Rule #3. It’s kind of like asking for MORE affirmation.  These people really want to look humble and also cool, but the problem is that they’ve never been taught that accepting compliments is cooler than rejecting them.  And don’t think for a second that Jam people are just high-school freshman girls.  Jam people, from jellies to preserves, can be found in all walks of life.  Some Jam people are just extra-clever and better at hiding their jam status.  You could call them Peanut Butters, or Nutellas.

Cold Butter compliment takers. Oh these people are not fun at all. Have you ever tried spreading cold butter on toast? It doesn’t work. Cold Butter FALLS OFF OF THE TOAST. And then it stays on the plate/countertop in garish white lumps, causing more of an eyesore and nuisance than it would have if it had simply absorbed itself into the toast. These Cold Butters absorb a compliment even less than Jams do. They don’t believe the compliments. They don’t believe anything you tell them because they think that they’re ugly or unintelligent or not that special. I used to feel really sorry for these people, but now I’m mostly really annoyed by them.

This is a choice, kids! Don’t be a cold butter! Don’t be a jam! Be a yummy slice of butter-saturated sourdough, like the kind they have at Denny’s or Elmer’s. That’s totally everyone’s favorite kind of toast! Be that toast!

All the boring people/potheads sit in the back of the class, I am telling you.  Sit in every front row for a semester or two, and you’ll run into the most interesting personalities. Chas is one such character!  He is a Japanese major who comes to class every morning with what looks like an encoded matrix/morse-code/binary type cipher on a sheet of paper.  He meticulously deciphers it whilst listening to punk rock on his mp3 player which is not an Apple product, which I respect.

I asked him once, by way of compliment, why exactly he dresses so snappily for each and every class? Why, Chas? Why, when your peers are so casually dressed, in their black t-shirts and leggings-for-pants and bad hair dye?  What makes you impervious to this massive force of peer pressure?

And all he said was that he enjoys dressing well.  It creates a good first impression.

There is something to be said for that! No longer do you dress down to be hip and unique.  No, no, no, to stand out and be respected you dress UP.  Granted, most people probably have a different definition of UP than Chas does, but I think his fanciness has worked for him so far!  It’s still the first time a man’s outfit has made me feel insecure about my OWN outfit though.  Odd and unwelcome sensation.

*I promised I’d put all the fashion stuff on the other blog, but this is totally a human interest post and it has a moral!

We were discussing the inherent sin of homosexuality. That led us to the question of whether or not God judges all sin equally. This particular friend disagrees with me on almost everything, and the answer to this question was no exception! I was sure the answer was yes, according to my knowledge of Old Testament law and the principles upheld in the New Testament, but didn’t want to commit to anything because I hadn’t ever questioned or thought about that particular subject, let alone looked up the verses to confirm my opinion. My thoughts were pretty firm, however, because I knew that God judged each sin differently in the Old Testament, and I knew that God was supposed to be constant forever. So even though we live in New Testament times, I believe His structure of right and wrong has stayed the same and will stay the same for eternity. Even though we live in an age where we are able to repent and be forgiven before the day of judgement comes, God’s structure still stands. We are simply profiting from His mercy, and must be on the right side when that day comes.

Well, I wasn’t super good at articulating this since I hadn’t really thought it out, so I think I gave a pretty bad answer. My friend then asked me why God stopped “killing everyone” after Jesus came (in the New Testament) and brought kindness and love. It was late and I was stumped. It was true! The New Testament really didn’t seem to have very much of the characteristics of violence that the Old Testament had.

But we had just been studying Acts in Bible Study and I remembered what had happened to Ananias and Saphira, and what had happened to Herod. And also all of the positive miracles that Jesus brought about, and how they could correlate to the positive miracles that God brought about in the Old Testament (like with David, or Daniel, or Noah, or Moses, or Solomon, etc.)

I was stumped nonetheless, so I asked Dad what the deal was, but he was running so he gave me the brief answer that God was no longer like the “head of state” after Jesus was resurrected. Bad paraphrasing. Of course He was still the King and the head and everything, but I guess things were under a new law and a different covenant SO he didn’t have to kill armies for Israel’s sake anymore? I mean He still looks out for us and takes care of us and loves us (obviously! We live only because of His mercy!) but we were given… freedom? Something?

Wow. When I type that out it reads terribly. I definitely have to think this through a little more. If any of you readers have a thoughtful answer, it would be very much appreciated!